unimpressed by my first draft

New York trip

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:14:37 GMT

So, it's been a while since my trip to New York, but I'm going to write a little about it anyway. I didn't really do too much that was New York specific, but I had a really good time. I stayed with Allen and Amber in Park Slope (South Slope actually, I guess?). So, I mostly spent time there going to bars and coffeeshops with them. My good friend and former roommate Ryan works in that neighborhood, so I got to see a lot of him, which was really nice. Ryan and I did venture into Williamsburg one night. We caught a decent show (O'Death, Ponytail, and the USAISAMONSTER) and went to like three bars afterward. Stayed at his place in Bushwick and it seemed that the cats remembered me, which was nice. The next day we went to Coney Island and Brighton Beach. That was the first day of my cold, so I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked, but it was cool. Bought some nice Russian pastries and candies in Brighton Beach. Later that night we met up with Allen again and saw the Narrator's last show at some pseudo-venue in Chelsea. All three of us know one of the guys in the band from Chicago and he was totally surprised to see us at the show. Oxford Collapse played too and it was really fun, except for me feeling pretty sick. Spent some time in Manhattan checking out coffee places mostly. My last night in town I was able to meet up with Jenn, who just happened to be in New York at the same time I was. We walked around Williamsburg a bit before going to Barcade. I really liked that place.

I guess those are the convoluted highlights. Sorry about the disorganization. I enjoyed New York, but the best part was just getting to spend some time with friends I hadn't seen in a while. It was a really nice trip. Here's a couple of the very few pictures I took while there:

Crossing the Brooklyn Bridge with Allen

Barcade!

Unrelated to New York... but if you get the chance to see the movie Reprise, I'd highly recommend it.

Upcoming vacation

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:36:40 GMT

For some reason I'm really enjoying today. I had breakfast at Svea this morning, but other than that it's been pretty standard stuff like laundry and grocery shopping. I bet the nice weather has a lot to do with it.

Yesterday I bought tickets for my vacation to New York. Glad to be finally making it out there to visit; I'll have to thank Allen for pressuring me to do it sooner rather than later. And the timing of it seems to be bringing pleasant, unexpected surprises. Though it will be weird to be there for Mother's Day. Anyway, I'll be in New York from May 7th to the 13th.

Back from the dead

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:11:21 GMT

I finally have a new computer. I've had it for a little while actually -- just taking me some time to update my internet presence, I guess. Still adjusting to being a new member of the Mac army too. Sort of feels like giving in, but I think it'll be good.

While I missed being connected, being computerless did make it seem like I had a lot more time in the day. I finally finished War and Peace, which I enjoyed very much. Read some Chekhov too, and even saw a good performance of Uncle Vanya. Also furthered my effort to read more contemporary stuff -- I really liked George Saunders's Pastoralia and Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. Saw some good shows too. Went to San Francisco to see Jandek and it was certainly worth the trip (and only one highlight of my wonderful visit -- Jandek certainly wasn't the only reason I went out there). Though I guess that was before my computer died. Recently saw the Raveonettes, which despite my general unfamiliarity with their music was a really good show. The next night I had to choose between seeing Old Time Relijun and Retribution Gospel Choir; I went with Retribution Gospel Choir and was happy with my choice. They covered "Ziggy Stardust," and I should have a crappy video of it somewhere. Maybe I'll find time to go into these things in greater depth, but I'll leave just a quick update for now.

It's nice to be back.

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:42:45 GMT

Computer pretty much completely dead. Hope to get a new one soon though.

Computer death?

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 17:33:25 GMT

I'm afraid my computer might be dying. I still have hope it may be only a temporary sickness, but in the meantime I'll be frantically trying to back everything up.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 17:00:14 GMT

At the time, I don't think I'd ever felt more insulted.

Christmas 2007

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 04:03:36 GMT

Christmas really snuck up on me this year. I didn't really do much of anything that I'd hoped to do. No tree, no sending of cards, no decorating at all. But it turned out pretty well.

I spent Christmas Eve with some co-workers and had a really good time. After a drink at the L&L, Shane and I went over to Emily and Dan's apartment. Sarah arrived shortly after we did and we had some drinks and talked about holiday memories. Vegetarian chili and latkes with cinnamon and sugar made a really good dinner and then we played Wii until 1:30 in the morning. My first time playing the Wii and it was pretty awesome. I did really well at tennis, but Shane definitely knocked me out in the first round of boxing. It was probably also the first time that I drank gin successfully.

I spent Christmas Day alone with Ryan's year-old bottle of Gluhwein and A Christmas Carol. Also prepared myself a big Christmas dinner and some bread pudding. It was actually pretty nice. Reading A Christmas Carol always makes me happy.

Toward home

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 23:48:55 GMT

I'm optimistic about making this apartment feel like home, though it has been frustratingly slow in coming. Ever since moving to Chicago, I've either lived in places that felt oddly very temporary or with roommates who'd been living in the apartment before I moved in. This time though it is coming along. I recently bought a real couch for the first time and have some ideas about how I want things to look, but the walls are still barren and not everything has found its place.

So I just put on another french press of coffee and I'm ready to start organizing and arranging. I think I really need to go through all my things and get rid of some stuff. I'm usually too good at throwing stuff out, but I feel like it's been a very long time since I've gone through everything. So, that's my goal for tonight and the next couple days.

After that, we'll see how it goes.

And Thanksgiving was so nice this year. I got together with some coworkers and had a really good time. The food was great and the whole day actually felt like Thanksgiving. It was the first time I participated in the tradition of going around the table and everyone saying what they're thankful for. It took a while for holiday plans to come together, but I'm so happy with how it all turned out.

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:27:37 GMT

I saw Lars and the Real Girl yesterday and really liked it. I've heard there have been mixed reviews, but I'd definitely recommend it. Don't go expecting a comedy though.

War and Peace finally arrived, but I haven't started it yet. It's going to be so nice to read it again. And I still can't believe how many people from work are reading it.

I'm pretty excited about seeing Mount Eerie tomorrow night. Karl Blau too. And I think Ben is going to be in town for the show as well. Should be a good night.

War and Peace

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 04:14:45 GMT

The new translation of War and Peace by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky came out today. I pre-ordered it online, so of course I don't have mine yet. Sarah and I have been excited about reading it for a while now and we've somehow convinced six or so of our co-workers to read it with us. I also recently discovered that another new translation came out about a month ago and that there's something of a fight going on between the publishers. And it looks like the New York Times is having some kind of month-long discussion of the book. It's nice to see Tolstoy getting so much attention.

Tired

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 17:44:14 GMT

Lately I've been feeling tired all the time. And it's not because I'm not getting enough sleep; I've been sleeping more than usual. And I feel rested when I wake up, but it seems like it doesn't take long for me to feel tired again. I've been trying to figure out what I've been doing differently in these past few weeks, but haven't come up with much. I have been biking on and off to work, and my diet has probably not been as good since I've moved. So, maybe that's it. If so, then those things should probably work themselves out soon and I'll be feeling normal. If not, I should go see a doctor. I probably should see a doctor anyway. I'm always so lazy about those things though. For now, I'll give it a little more time and see what happens.

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 21:58:47 GMT

Finally have the internet again!

Moving

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:01:01 GMT

I'm moving tomorrow. Looks like in the rain. I think packing's already almost done, so this should be one of the smoothest, easiest moves I've had. I hope I won't be without the internet for too long. I'm so excited about being in my new place!

August 22 - August 30

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 03:05:32 GMT

I'm pretty sure this vacation was the best vacation I've ever had.

RIP

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:09:59 GMT

In the same week Bergman, Antonioni, and Lee Hazlewood.

May they rest in peace.

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 17:46:05 GMT

First Ingmar Bergman, then Michelangelo Antonioni. At least we know that today it won't be Andrei Tarkovsky.

Things are starting to look up for me though. I should be signing a lease to a new apartment sometime this week. Having that taken care of has seemed to really make everything else better. I'll also have a vacation coming up soon. And various other little things have helped me feel happier and less stressed.

Overwhelmed

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:21:24 GMT

Things have been pretty stressful. And I don't know that I've been doing the best job of handling them. I think what I really need is a vacation.

The past week has not been so good

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 05:18:44 GMT

Last Monday I woke up at 6:30 in the morning to see Ryan off. We loaded up his car with the few things he's taking with him, sedated the cats, and he was off for Brooklyn. I miss him so much already. I'm somewhat dreading the next month alone in Pilsen.

Later that night my friend Shane and I were mugged about three blocks from my apartment. I'm thankful that it wasn't too bad, but it wasn't good either. It certainly won't make staying down in Pilsen any better.

Then Friday night at work I hit my head on a door and broke my glasses. I'm still surprised I was able to turn with that much force. The next day my head was really sore and I felt sort of out of it and very tired, which caused me to worry some. My head still hurts, but I think I'm pretty okay.

I did, however, buy an amazing album this week: Lee Hazlewood's Requiem for an Almost Lady. It's so, so good.

Alone with Solaris

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 20:09:36 GMT

Last winter, I purchased a used copy of Tarkovsky's Solaris at Reckless. Of his films, I'd only seen Andrei Rublev (also purchased blindly), but I guess that was enough (along with some glowing recommendations and his being Russian) to convince me of Tarkovsky's greatness and instill in me the feeling that I wanted to own all of his films. A friend and I decided that I'd watch it for the first time with her, but that didn't work out, so Solaris sat on my shelf unwatched for months.

In that time I'd bought, watched, and loved other Tarkovsky films, but it wasn't until after having owned it for almost a year that I finally sat down at home one night to watch Solaris. It was beautiful and thought-provoking and everything else I'd come to expect from Tarkovsky. It was also chilling and even frightening, and this is probably why my friend recommended that I watch it for the first time with her rather than alone. Of course, movie-watching is generally a solitary experience--sitting in the dark, not talking--but it's really nice to at least have a friend sitting next to you in the dark.

So I was very excited to have the opportunity to see Solaris in the theater on Memorial Day. I got off work at 2:00 and was pretty tired from having got up at 5:00, but thought that with a double espresso I'd be in fine shape for the 3:00 showing. Eric seemed more tired than I and was afraid he'd just end up paying $10 to fall asleep in the theater, so he decided not to go. I was a little disappointed, but not too much, and made it to the theater just in time.

Seeing it on the big screen was absolutely amazing. The opening nature scenes were so breathtakingly beautiful and every second of the driving sequence that most everyone seems to think is way too long was mesmerizing. It was so easy to become fully immersed in the film and its themes of memory, communication, and isolation. I was able to not think too much and to let myself just take the film in. It sent me through my own memory and communication issues, and reminded me how much I miss certain people and places.

In my pensive state, I took some time to walk through the relatively deserted streets of downtown Chicago before heading to the train. I don't think I've ever felt more alone. Walking around with my hands in my pockets, seeing unfamiliar faces, thinking about people I miss and those moving soon whom I will miss. Sometimes it's much easier to feel alone when I'm among people I don't know, than when I'm by myself. But it wasn't a completely negative feeling--it was nice to remember things and in a way it felt good to be so affected by a film. It felt like the aloneness I was experiencing was somehow beneficial. But I also felt lonely. And I can't decide whether Solaris is one of those films that shouldn't be watched alone.

Heating problems

Sun, 27 May 2007 05:18:03 GMT

This is what I found when I came home tonight. Apparently, a long piece of wood (from yet another unstarted project) somehow fell and destroyed our thermostat. So, on this pleasantly cool night we've got heat pumping through our vents, and I'm sure the attempts I've made to do anything have only worsened the problem. It's not warm yet, but I have this fear that I'll wake up in the middle of the night to a sweltering sauna.

Lost

Wed, 23 May 2007 01:23:35 GMT

So Ryan is moving to New York. Fairly soon too--end of June/beginning of July. It'll be a great move for him; I think he really needs a change like this. And I'm very happy for him, but it leaves me at a loss as to what I'm going to do. Any semblance of plans I may have formed will now have to be changed.

I was hoping that with some (what I thought was soon approaching) increased stability, I'd be able to devote more time and effort to figuring out myself. But now I've got all this external uncertainty on top of all my internal uncertainty and I just feel sort of lost.

I do sometimes feel optimistic and think that maybe this shake-up will be good for me--that transition may somehow be more fruitful than stability for self-evaluation and growth. But then I think about how I'll inevitably spend a few months trying to figure out and settle into a new situation, rather than focusing on less immediate but more important things.

Empty alliterations replenished

Mon, 21 May 2007 05:57:00 GMT

Suddenly seems like so many things are up in the air. And I don't know what to do. Some will probably settle soon, though I don't know that their resolution will leave me feeling any surer.

Ryan might be moving to New York. In as soon as a couple months, or maybe even less. Though it's so sudden, he sounds like he's considering it seriously. He does have a hard time following through on these kinds of things, but he mentioned that difficulty as one of the reasons that he should probably do it. And it would be good for him. But I have no idea what I'd do if he did.

So many of my favorite Chicago people move out west (Ryan could be the first to go east). And it always seems to come at a time when I'm becoming closer to them. Unfortunate timing I guess. It certainly doesn't help with the fear I sometimes have that I'm only a good option when it's for the short-term.

When you oughta be truthin'

Fri, 18 May 2007 10:12:14 GMT

So, I took my last chance to do karaoke with Colin. I was wavering, but when he dedicated The Kinks' "Lola" to me, I knew I had to get up there and do something. And so, my first ever karaoke song was Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'."

Thu, 10 May 2007 18:14:07 GMT

The Spring Cleaning is going deeper than I expected/hoped. Some changes, perhaps big, may be coming my way. My effort to read more contemporary writing is paying off; I really like Ander Monson. Have seen a lot of interesting films lately, like Koyaanisqatsi and Holy Ghost People. If you live in Chicago, you really should check out Odd Obsession. Found out last night that I'll have the opportunity to watch two Tarkovsky films on the big screen soon. Am excited about seeing Daniel Johnston tonight. I'd like to try to make it to the Japanther show afterwards, but don't think that'll work too well with being up at 4:00 tomorrow morning.

And I cut my hair for the first time in 5 1/2 months a couple weeks ago:

Spring Cleaning

Wed, 02 May 2007 01:14:18 GMT

I'm looking forward to spring cleaning this year. I feel like I may be a little late, but spring's been a bit late in coming to Chicago. I'm excited about scrubbing and sorting and airing things out. I'm hoping this will give me a sense of stability and put an end to my recent excessive indecision.

I still have yet to create that needed feeling of home for myself in this apartment--something so important for my well-being, yet often so long in becoming fully realized. So, I'm going to get those last things out of boxes and organize the piles on my floor. I want to go through all my stuff and separate the wheat from the chaff. And, of course, hit the apartment with a healthy dose of scrubbing bubbles.

But more beneficial, I think, than taking care of my environment, will be an internal cleaning house. I need to pay more attention to parts of my life that I've been neglecting. I feel I need to be reconciled with others and with myself. But unlike the physical cleaning, I'm not too sure how to go about this. I constantly struggle with memory and the past, and I want to avoid the dangerous and tempting idea of being able to completely start over. It needs to be more a gentle integration than a distinct new stage. I just want to do some cleaning and establish a comfortable base from which I can work.